Shuntoo’s big toe

Shuntoo specifically asked me to stop writing about him and for the past few weeks I obliged. But today, I just cannot resist. Firstly, because I think this must be shared and secondly because why the hell should I obey Shuntoo, when he doesn’t give a shit about my requests. So here it is.

Just like all other conversations with Shuntoo, this one also started in the most harmless way thinkable; and as with all other such conversations, it ended up irritating the hell out of someone. That someone was a young friend of ours, one of those sensitive souls, who habitually comes to me or Shuntoo (God knows why!) whenever something hurts his feelings. What specifically happened on this occasion is immaterial. After going on and on about the bitterness of life, our friend gave a final judgment; alas, it was just one sentence too many for Shuntoo, who had been sitting quietly throughout the previous monologue, but probably couldn’t resist any longer.

“Life is sad!” were our friend’s concluding words and here’s what followed.

Shuntoo: “Is it? What is life sad about?”

Poor Friend: “No, I meant that life is sad in general.”

S: “Yes, I know. That’s why I asked what life is sad about? What happened to life?”

PF: “Nothing happened to life. It’s what life does to people like me.”

S: “So, you mean you are sad, not life.”

PF: “Yes, but I am sad because of life.”

S: “Good, at least you’ve admitted your original mistake. This is no small matter pyaaryey. Sadness is subjective, not objective. Nothing is sad; it is you who are sad. Just realizing this could be the first step towards solving your problems, since you are sad, you have to change, not life.”

PF: “But why do I have to change? Life has treated me badly to make me this way. Life is unfair.”

S: “Ha! Chalo, at least it’s not sad anymore.”

Shuntoo sat back quietly as our friend seemed on the verge of weeping on life’s unfairness. After a couple of minutes, Shuntoo said.

“You know what! Looking at you reminds me of my big toe.”

PF: “What?”

S: “Yes, the poor thing has just two bones while all the other toes on my foot have three each. It also complains that life is unfair.”

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Shuntoo Raining

There are times when Shuntoo seems to be in no mood to talk to anyone at all, unless he is provoked. Most of Shuntoo’s life consists of these times and that is a blessing. But on certain rare occasions, he is in a completely different mood and just cannot help commenting on or reacting to anything he finds worthy of his obnoxiously straight forward response. On these occasions, one should be wary since Shuntoo does not give a shit about who he is talking to or whether he even knows him or not.

Last night was one such rare occasion. And it was made all the more interesting by the presence of a friend of mine (who, by the way, was meeting Shuntoo for the first time) who is a member of the ‘in-love-with-my-own-voice’ group. He just cannot stop talking, has an opinion on absolutely everything, has a solution to every problem and …. well you know what I mean.

Sitting in the safety of my lounge on a rainy night, my friend suddenly got into a literary mood and said “You know Sarmad! This rain, this rain is not just water. It is an expression of love that comes from the skies to the earth. Since the sky and the earth cannot meet, the sky sends its love in the form of raindrops and the earth accepts them and absorbs them to feel the purity of the love being expressed. It is beautiful.”

Shuntoo eyed him with a genuinely amused face and simply said “No Kakay! This rain! This rain is just water.”

My friend was justifiably not pleased by this retort and responded, “No sir! You have to look closely…”

And now Shuntoo waved his hand to cut him short and said “No Kakay! You do not have to find silly, romantic meanings in everything you see. Believe me, it only impresses the morons, and you should not try to impress them since that does not serve any meaningful purpose anyway. The rain is a message of love! PUhleaase. It is people like you who find meanings in poetry that even the poet was not aware of, who just cannot enjoy the beauty of nature without bringing it to the level of a cheap novel. It is people like you who love living in a world full of self-created illusions.

“Illusions like something great is going to happen to them. Illusions like someone is going to come and help us, our family, our country, that we are the most talented people who are just victims of fate and someday this is all going to change. Illusions that Allah is going to forgive us all in the end and we will end up in streams of milk and honey with gold, diamonds and women all around us. Illusions that nobody in the world has been able to understand us, that there is someone made just for us and it is only a matter of time before we find him or her. I could go on for a month but obviously you have got the point.”

“But sir!” my friend was surprisingly calm. “You see this rain…….”

“Just water kakay!” Shuntoo repeated. “Just water.”

I had to make a real effort to control my laughter.

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