Monthly Archives: July 2011

LIAR LIAR!

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Let’s admit it; there are situations when we just do not possess the courage required to tell the truth. In such situations we regularly choose to lie instead of facing the consequences of truth. Given the sad but true fact that few, if any, of us are above such small weaknesses, I can give such liars a break and not blame them too much. But what about the lies we regularly tell and which serve no serious purpose at all.

1. Someone expecting us calls and asks how long we will be. If we think it’ll take us half an hour to get there, we instinctively say “Fifteen minutes!” ignoring the fact that had we been 45 minutes away, we would have just as easily said “Half an hour!” Are we just making the other person feel better this way?

2. When the host asks us if we want to have dinner, we reply “No! I am not hungry” or 
“No ! I just ate” even if we have not eaten anything for hours and would love a meal. Is this some sort of courtesy?

3. A call wakes us up in the middle of a satisfying nap and the caller asks “I hope I did not disturb you!” and we conveniently reply “No, not at all” when we feel like killing the person. Are we being polite?

4. In various professional situations, we shamelessly promise stuff like “I will give it my 110%!” Of course we know what we promising is mathematically impossible. Are we exhibiting our sincerity?

5. When a caller asks us “Pehchana!” we say “Yes! Of course!” just hoping that a few more words from him would help us recognize the voice. Are we showing our intimacy with the person?

6. We go to a funeral or a Qul etc, and habitually say “bara afsos hua!” even if we hardly knew the deceased and weren’t even sure he was alive till now. Are we following some custom?

7. We meet someone for the first time and even if he or she fails to leave any impression whatsoever on us, we say “Pleased to meet you!” Are we being civilized?

8. When someone criticizes a third person, we feel this uncontrollable urge to tell him that that fault does not lie in us, even when we are pretty sure of the opposite. Are we trying to avoid being insecure?

9. When a classic and critically acclaimed book or movie is under discussion, we make it a point to stress how much we liked it, even if we hated it or completely failed to see the point of the whole thing. Are we being cultured?

10. And lastly, when our spouse or partner says “I love you!” we almost always respond with “I love you too!” without thinking, without even knowing what the phrase exactly means and even if what we feel at that time is anything but love. Are we being romantic?

I don’t know but I feel the answer to all ten questions above is the same. No! We are lying, we are just being liars.

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THE MEANING OF COURAGE

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We have a long history of a really active and action-packed existence where the most respected and admired was the person who had the most courage, a trait depicted by excellence on the battlefield, or when made to survive in adverse circumstances. In a world where we are no longer threatened by wild animals, violent attacks from other tribes, getting lost in the wilderness, being stranded in a desert or anything like that, the meaning of courage has changed. Now courage means

1. Disagreeing with your Boss.

2. Stopping at a Red Light when there’s no policeman around.

3. Farting in public when you have diarrhea.

4. Discussing something other than politics and making others listen.

5. Speaking to a large audience and giving views that they will probably not like.

6. Pointing out some absurd misconception about religion.

7. Admitting that you are not always right.

8. Pursuing an intellectual career when you have the option of making money instead.

9. Not giving a bribe even when it means delays and inconvenience.

10. Telling the truth.

Obviously, courage no longer commands the same admiration anymore. Maybe because it is not the domain of superhuman heroes now, but something every single one of us can achieve, and any exhibition of courage from someone is a slap on the face of all those who cannot do these things. Now, courage is not admired, it is ridiculed.

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10 IRRITATING THINGS PEOPLE JUST DON’T STOP SAYING

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Probably the most annoying are the stupid questions people keep asking.

1. They call you in the middle of the night and then ask “Did I disturb you?” For heaven’s sake man, even if I was not sleeping, you should be very sure that whatever I was doing, a call at that hour is disturbing.

2. You enter your house or office all drenched and they inquire “Is it raining?” What else did you think, Einstein? That I took a shower in my car?

3. Sitting in a restaurant, they would conveniently point to a dish on the menu and ask the waiter “Is this good?” What response do they expect from an employee of the same restaurant? He won’t say “No sir! That’s awful, the cook spits in it” even if that were the truth.

4. A friend of theirs is sobbing in a corner, and they would ask “Is something wrong?” I wonder if they ever hear a reply like “No no! I am just doing tear Yoga as part of my Kung Fu training.”

5. And their favourite seems to be the question they keep asking every kid they meet. “Mama acchhi hain ya Baba?” Give the kid a break man, I know there are too many dysfunctional families around but you don’t have to mess up the kid’s mind just because you don’t have anything more sensible to ask.

And then there are the completely unnecessary statements of the obvious.

6. “Ohh! It’s ten p.m.” Yes sir I am not blind and I can tell the time from a clock.

7. “It is so hot today.” Hmm! Really? I wouldn’t know, since I live in an air-conditioned hole in the ground.

8. “Light aa gayee” or even more irritating “Light chalee gayee!” I have not come from the Stone Age, I know what it means when the room suddenly goes dark or is lit up.

And Finally the totally illogical ways to start a sentence that are too common to tolerate now.

9. “I don’t think I should say this…” Then don’t say it na! Why can’t you trust your own thinking?

10. “Promise me you won’t mind” Now how can I make such a promise without knowing what you have to say. You could be about to say something indecent about my mother for all I know. Do you really think I decide to mind or not mind something before hearing it?

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10 KINDS OF PEOPLE YOU SEE AT A TYPICAL WEDDING

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1. The chronically starved individuals whose sole aim is to eat as much as they possibly can without any care for decency, manners or their own digestive systems. These people’s time at the wedding is divided into the waiting-for-the-meal and eating-like-animals phases.

2. The incurable tharkis who are just there to check out the girls and try their luck.

3. The girls who are just there waiting to be noticed by the incurable tharkis.

4. The older people who want one more moment in the beautiful sunshine of importance.

5. The kids who could not care less if it were a funeral instead of a wedding and who spend their whole time running around aimlessly and continuously.

6. The baradari who are there primarily in the hope that something would go drastically wrong and they would have a ball telling the story to everyone who didn’t attend. If nothing goes drastically wrong, they do not lose heart and make up some story worth being told.

7. The women who don’t give half as much importance to the occasion as they do to their ambition of looking better than every other woman, including the bride.

8. The mothers who come with only one thing on their minds, a bride for their eligible sons.

9. Those who did not want to come but were forced to by the fact that the parents of the groom / bride attended the wedding of their son / daughter.

10. The poor creatures who don’t even know who is getting married, and had to come just because there was no one else to take their grandpa or chacha or mama to the wedding.

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